My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
