we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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