3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am one with the molecules
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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