this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
