how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
