Please, let me fuck your mom
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
