Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
