What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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