so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
