I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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