So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if only i could text you this smell
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
