It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
