apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
