Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize