Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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