that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
