we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
