Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
