as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
