I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
