so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
