Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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