I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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