Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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