oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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