He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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