Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Holy sore nipples Batman
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
