i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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