Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
