just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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