I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
