The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
