tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
