They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
