i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
