He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize