Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
