Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
