so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
