I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
