girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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