Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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