Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
