I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Randomize
