what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
