i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
