He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
