He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
