i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
