What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
