You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
