I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
