If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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