why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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