P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
