she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
