Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
