I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
