is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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