i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
