never play flip cup with pint glasses
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
