it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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