I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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