Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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