Ambien. No doubt about it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
