Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
