do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
