you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
