Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
