Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
