That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
