omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
