girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
