I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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