you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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