I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize