id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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