Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
two words...techno handjob
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
